I'm here.

For once, I'm aware, ready, and able for a change.

I've gotten laid off from my job. It's weird. It's good. Don't be sad, I'm pretty damn near elated. I'm joining the ranks of the increasingly large unemployment population, so I hold solace in the fact that I am not alone. In fact, we've even gotten a raise (thanks, NYC 8.1% unemployment rate)!! Despite my current state of bliss over not having a job, I can't deny that it wasn't the second-biggest shock of my life (the first was learning that I was accepted into college). When I was called in for a meeting with T at 5pm that ill-fated Thursday evening, I knew something was up, but can you really be prepared for something like this? How do you simply accept being told that you will no longer be doing something that you have been doing every day for the last 800-or-so days of your life? And no matter how much you are told that being "let go" has nothing to do with performance issues, good/bad or otherwise, you can't help but wonder if you could have done more- and that's the worst feeling in the world. It's a horrible swirling tornado of regret and embarrassment and all those sorts of negative, self-abashing emotions. I wrote a pretty long journal entry the day or two after I was given notice- but it's too much to go into right now, maybe I'll transcribe that another day within a more focused entry. This entry is meant to be slightly more unfocused.

In the end, I've realized it was simply that I have (had?) what is/was probably the most expendable position at one of the largest primary market galleries in New York. As a bonus, I work in sales, at a time where there's not really a huge demand in the luxury-goods industry... so, well, you get the idea. Anyway the gallery has also assured me that they are very regretful to see me go (am I a fool to wholeheartedly believe this?), and I was offered four more weeks at work to finish things up, a month's worth of severance, and open access to everyone's rolodexes. Seriously, I don't think I've ever had this much support and recommendations since, well, ever! Note to self: a good way to network is to get laid off.

So what now? To reiterate, I'm happy to be leaving. I had been struggling in what was an unbelievably stagnant career (if you could even call it that), on a path that I didn't even know if I wanted to be on. I hate to sound terribly cliche, but this break will really allow me to re-evaluate what I've done in the last two+ years (holy moses, what have I been doing these last few years???!). And if I want to continue on this path, where I can go. Then again, if all signs point to the opposite, then what should I be doing? What CAN I be doing? Hot diggity, a real-life choose your own adventure, how exciting!

In fact, I am so excited to be out of a job that I've already compiled a fairly lengthy list of all the things I'll be able accomplish, some that have been on my to-do list for quite some time now. A sample of these things include:

• write (to be accomplished in blog form)
• Bake for friends/for a cause!!
• Get a hot glue gun + Craft it up
• Take a train along the Hudson on a random weekday, explore past the 5 boroughs
• Volunteer on a farm for a few days
• Organize my iTunes library + playlists
• REGULARLY go to the gym/lose the freshman 15 I've had since, sadly, freshman year.
• pick up my diploma from UCLA (err, four years later, I know.)
• Shop at the farmers market on a regular basis
• Get a bike. Bike around/explore Brooklyn
• Start taking pictures again, start painting again
• Go to more art shows/write about said art shows

So, as you can see, I will have no shortage of things to do in my soon-to-be omnipresent free time. I also plan to hang out all the time with my friend LFerg, who is also currently reveling in the world of unemployment, so my social life won't be at a complete loss without my gallery girlfriends.

Anyway, back to this blog. I was told by my good coworker/friend/travel companion/all around awesome girl D that I should start a blog. Maybe she said this in pure jest, who knows, but I've been thinking about it, ever since she mentioned in two weeks ago. Alas, after conquering my fears of being just another indulgent blogger without any readership, I logged on today to weigh my cyber-journalistic options. I'm going with blogspot. After typing in an access word (why do they make you do this? they are never real words and are rarely ever legible: my word was psyosse, wtf is that?!) and picking my "theme" (minima), I am now a (proud) member of the cybercommunity.

Also very important was what to title this blog. Oh, the all-important title! You may find it silly, but a huge reason why I have never started a blog was because I could never think of a clever, stellar title for one (oh, the vanity!). I would hate for my writings to be filed under just another "random musings" type titled blog. I wanted to think of something clever and witty that had my name in it, but Jessie doesn't rhyme with anything but messy and hasn't been used in very many useful pop culture references (Jessie's Girl was not going to make the cut), and alas my lifetime struggle with a fairly dull last name proved to be a major disappointment again. I was then going to title this untitled, a clever tribute to my life in the art world, but decided not to tie this to something that I'm getting away from. So came about the name afterlife, as I feel like this is the end of a huge part of my life, and the beginning to something truly special/inspirational (awww). Plus that wiki entry that I linked to is pretty impressive.

I promise that most entries will be significantly shorter and significantly more significant, with many more kewl piktyures for all those who hate all that philosblogical bullshit and just look at blogs for their pics, like I do. I'd like for this to be a place to log what I am doing, now that I haven't got much to do. It will also prove to myself that I am doing something, blogging at the least, and simultaneously assure anyone who cares that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Though I'd like to think that it will be somewhat poignant, what will most likely occur is that my afterlife will be a hodgepodge of a forum where I talk about my pet peeves, what I ate, how much coffee I drank, and where I can use the vocabulary I am not clever enough to use in everyday conversation. I also forsee it being a bunch of run-on sentences, so readers be warned! And finally, I am secretly hoping that this blog can be a channel to obtain my ultimate wants in life: Cool furniture, free food, a super cool job, and a boyfriend. Is that hoping for too much?

My job-lessness begins effective next Tuesday...so stay tuned....